Coaching team youth sports takes time, patience and an even temperament. It can be as frustrating as it is rewarding. Often the biggest issue is not the kids, but their parents. As with most things in life, the more you can set expectations and maintain consistency the better the outcomes. Here are some of the lessons I learned from years of coaching multiple sports when our kids were younger.
1. Find at least one person you trust to be an assistant coach
- They don’t need to even know much about the sport but they do need to be an organized person
- Let them handle all of the administrative-type duties like dealing with the league, referees, scheduling, etc.
- During practice, they will organize warm-ups, drills
- During games, they will be in charge of substitutions and keeping track of playing time
- Playing time is only a concern for teams at the B and below levels
- At the A level the focus should be on winning, not playing time
2. On the first day have a players only meeting and layout the following:
- Any issues you have . . . come to us (the coaching staff) directly
- Your playing time will be dictated by how you perform in practice
- Start teaching the moto of “Practice like it’s a game and play the game like it’s practice”
- Effort will get you as much playing time as talent, especially as you improve
- This needs to be repeated over and over again during the season
- It is also a great life lesson . . . perseverance is a common thread that runs through all success stories
- If you want to excel you need to practice outside of organized practice time
3. On the first day have a parents only meeting and layout the following
- Any issues you have . . . don’t come to us (the coaching staff) directly . . . we want your kids to self-advocate
- Be sensitive in this area and make it clear that if there is anything personal with their kids you are available to discuss one-on-one after this meeting
- Parents are not allowed near the bench during games
- Please don’t “coach” your children . . . that is our job
- This is a perfect time to convey your expertise and credentials qualifying you to be their coach
- Also, a good time to invite any parent to join you as an Assistant coach (since they know so much about the sport)
- Keep your commentary during games positive and encouraging
- Most of the time your kids aren’t hearing what you are saying during the game since they are focused on their task but when they do hear you it can actually be a distraction that will hurt their performance, especially if you are shouting “instructions” . . . let us take care of the coaching
- If you are coaching at the A level make it clear that playing time is dictated by the coaches based on what the kids show us in practice
- If your child is playing another sport during this season add a caution about burnout but also reiterate that if any practice time is missed as a result, it will affect their playing time in games
- Reiterate that having your child play multiple sports will have the following benefits:
- Reduction of injury due to using different joints and muscle groups thus not wearing down the same with constant redundant motion
- Skills developed in one sport can always be transferred to another sport
- The more different coaches and teammates your kid has within obvious limits) will increase their ability to adapt to change (great life lesson)
4. Never yell at the kid . . . but hold the player accountable
- It’s important to never make the kid feel like criticism is a personal attack on them
- Focus your comments on the behavior, not the player
- Never call out a player in front of his/her teammates
- Pull the player off to a side and make it a learning moment for them
- Teach that it’s OK to make mistakes, it’s the only way you get better (taking chances)
- Also, point out that this is what practice is for
- Reiterate that practice is about effort and improvement . . . the game is about execution and results
5. Never forget that your primary objective is the improvement of your players and the team
- Don’t play favorites . . . ask your assistant coaches to pay attention to this for you and to point out when they see signs of this happening
- Playing favorites is the fastest way to lose the respect of your players and damage the moral of the team
- It will also alienate your “favorite” with his/her teammates
- Praise great work in practice . . . this will not only make practice feel less like a chore but will also support your earlier statement about the importance of practice
- Make a point to praise any improvements you see
- This applies not only to an individual but also to the team or group (if applicable)
- This applies equally to practice and games
- Point out the supporting efforts
- Praise the well-set pick that set-up a nice shot or the well-executed block that led to the big gain
- This is a great opportunity to not only recognize everyone’s contributions but also to spotlight (and encourage) players that might not be seen as important . . . they are!
- What you say after a loss is vital
- Make sure you find something good to talk about first even if it’s just effort
- The only way to improve is to learn from your mistakes so frame it that way but reiterate that the lesson must be learned and not repeated
- If you apply what you learn from your mistakes you reduce the chance of negative repetition and exponentially increase your chances of success
- What you say after a win is vital
- Unless you just won a championship make sure you point out that winning is nice but here are some things we need to improve upon . . . we can always get better
- Celebrate with class and dignity . . . there is no excuse for humiliating your opponent
- Win with grace and lose with grace
One of the toughest things to remember when coaching team youth sports is you are not the player’s parent. Your job is to help them to improve as an athlete and teammate. You always want to promote good sportsmanship, the merits of hard work and the value of perseverance. But just make sure it all is within the boundaries of a coach, not a parent.
Finally, as with most things in life, when in doubt . . . rely on your common sense. Be fair, be diligent and be successful. Coaching team youth sports is immensely rewarding and is an excellent way to give back.
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